When you start thinking of your life in the form of a series of Facebook status updates, it may be time to admit that you have a problem. And it encourages people to talk about themselves in the third person. Which is unforgivable.
Alas, I have hit this rock bottom. I find my brain, at certain moments of profound introspection, wandering off into the realms of cyberspace as it muses 'Anna is...'
Anna is... wide awake at 5.30am a-frickin'-gain!
Anna is... in need of caffeine on a drip.
Anna is... busting some moves to Mamma Mia/Josie and the Pussycats/Kate Bush, and may even be jumping on her bed in glee.
Anna is... cursing, swearing, blaspheming and raging at her keys for the billionth time today.
Anna is... tracking the effects of the recession through the fluctuating prices of Lambrini and tins of basics rice pudding, each shifting a matter of pence week to week.
Anna is... perpetually, eternally, continuously crossing Euston Road.
Anna is... determined to not say 'Standard' at all today, or at least not more than five times.
Anna is... crashing, banging, causing a cacophony when rooting round in the goodie cupboard, a little worse for wear, several times in the middle of the night.
Anna is... slowly cooking in the cosy library, baking like a literary loaf.
Anna is... once again flashing her pyjamas to the meanies in the corner shop whilst on a wine mish, wooly-hatted and ugg-booted. Standard.
Anna is... proper aggro on the streets of London.
Anna is... daydreaming about being a blue-wigged, Afro-Caribbean, uber-cool DJ in Notting Hill and re-thinking her life plan.
Anna is... going to prod Gary.
Anna is... never, ever going finish the novel she is reading. The novel that has no end.
Anna is... procrastinating. By going on Facebook. And thinking of status updates.
Anna is... going to get a life. Instead of living it through status updates, as if she is somebody else, an observed character. Therefore...
I am stopping this lunacy right now.