29 January 2009


What lights up my life? Why, shooting stars of course!

Of the bright and sparkly variety, purchased from Paperchase, in sticker form.

All colours of the rainbow, a constellation to go with every outfit, giving a twinkle to a glitter eye-lined eye when stuck in the shadow of blue lashes.

Adding bling to Orion's Belt, twinkle to Taurus, brilliance to Betelgeuse, style to Sagittarius, glamour to the Great Bear.

Laze in the rays from my blazing star-gaze, astronomy can tell me your fate...

And thus I am stellified. Anna in the sky with diamonds.

(Unless I knock the damn things off when drunk at the pub)

23 January 2009

My love of Narnia is no secret. In fact some might say that it borders on the obsessive... No comment.
But what's not to love? (If one ignores all the religious allegory claptrap that is.) A world of imaginative nonsense names of places and creatures, epic battles, talking animals and turkish delight. A world meticulously realised, where there are no parents, and children can magically escape to distant lands, ready for adventure.

Us Kirklings were brought up on a steady diet of Narnia, firstly with the books (falling apart paperbacks from Pa's youth), then the BBC adaptations on well-worn VHS. The Afghan coat in the dressing-up box, bought from Portobello Market in the seventies, was regularly put to use as a rather brilliant Aslan costume, turned inside-out for the purpose. Hours of fantasy fun. And let us not forget the Professor's surname. Is it coincidence that he's a Kirk also? One could say that the Chronicles are in our blood.

It was not until drunkenly re-watching the BBC version of The Silver Chair however, that I realised that one of us Kirklings actually is a Narnian character. A fellow wine-swigging Narnia enthusiast pointed it out, and I snorted in recognition of the fact that Eustace Scrubb is the spitting image of someone I know extremely well. Albeit a slightly blonder, more cuddly image, but an uncanny resemblance nonetheless. Especially in profile. How had I never clocked this before? Even the petulant, adolescent, yet ultimately kind-hearted characterisation is in place. I'm not sure if my brother actually turned into a dragon at any point however, despite sometimes breathing fire. Though I'm not ruling it out.

Anyway, the whole thing made me laugh muchly.

The only thing is, many people say I look a great deal like the sibling in question. Does this mean that I also resemble Scrubb? This male, 13 year-old child actor (if one can call dramatically pausing, opening one's mouth and eyes wide in awe and wonder, and breathily ejaculating the name '...Aslan' reverently about once every five minutes 'acting')? Oh dear. No wonder I'm so au fait with dragons.

16 January 2009

The world is proper whirly, like

These current war-torn times we live in are absurd. I was reading an article online(http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jan/15/gaza-bombing-israel-war) that actually elicited tears. Absurd, ridiculous, preposterous, tragic, heart-wrenching and needless.
The recession, along with constant repetitions of the term 'credit crunch', do nothing to lighten the mood. Everything, in short, is madness. Nutcases are in positions of power and the world is turned on its head, topsy-turvy and skewed into a nightmarish vision.
To add insult to injury (though this is obviously incomparable to the global atrocities occurring) I have a spot the size of Eel Pie Island - an actual island in the middle of the Thames somewhere, for all you fact fans - on the side of my already overly-prominent hooter.

Whilst acknowledging that all is not sweetness and light, we must also get out kicks where we can. And not just in the lovely and unexpected, such as hearing classical music fill Euston Square tube station with both rousing and calming melodies, or baking an iced bakewell tart.* But also in the absurd. The absurd, in this case, being the laugh-out-loud, positive bonkers kind.
One must revel in these little absurdities to remind oneself that all is not gloom and doom, recession and depression, but that fizz, imagination, sherbert-fountain fun and the brilliantly barmy abound in bucket-loads too.

- Cliff Richard as Heathcliff in a musical version of Wuthering Heights. This actually exists. Alas only on VHS.

- The image of an eccentric Professor of mine riding a sit-up-and-beg bicycle to 'The Ride of the Valkyries', pipe in mouth, smoke and beard billowing in the breeze as he enters lectures. Da da da daaaa da...!

- Kate Bush's Babooshka video. Leotards. Double bass. Big Hair. Babooshka-ya-ya. Fabulous insanity.

- Speculative thinking about Monet. If he was of the technological age, his email address would no doubt be merde @hotmail.com. He would be filled with vitriol and spitting swearwords due to being subjected to mockery and infantie treatment by the National Gallery gift shop, on which he made quite an impression.

- This quote from an interview (courtesy of the Guardian once more, who should probably sponsor this blog) with a girl who describes herself as being 'cosmic Coronation Street': I was in a play called Brian And The Argonauts, the story of Jason And The Argonauts set to the music of the Beach Boys. I was an Argonaut. I sang I Get Around.
Priceless stuff. And at least she didn't do a solo drama audition piece for a national theatre company as a seven-year-old, autistic, cancerous, Jewish orphan. I mean that really would be absurd...

*When I say 'baking', I mean 'buying'. Obviously.

5 January 2009

All But Players on Life's Vast Stage

Pater said 'Be Good' before he left.
A loaded command, if ever there was one.

And with that, via a swift half-hug, he was off. So hasty was his departure that a southerly wind rippled through his 'Just for Men' mane and whiskers.
Exeunt to discover and explore unknown lands.

Enter once more in Act II: One Week Later.

Audiences should expect a lengthy soliloquy. In iambic pentameter naturally.