25 November 2007

Observations from my anthropological study of Intercollegiate Halls life:-

The words Chav and Essex are considered profanities of the highest order and are used in reference to others at one's own risk.

Americans need clarifications, such as the DTR system. There is none of that very British timidity and reluctance to actually verbalise what the hell is going on. Define The Relationship is a common and useful part of their culture. E.g 'We need to do some DTR-ing'.

Sporty Irish lads can eat veritable mountains of food. It is a marvel to behold.

Philosophers are erudite, articulate, stoners, lovely and laid back, and incomprehensible. They muse on Sartre over starters, Mill over main course and Descartes over dessert.

Characters who are 'allergic to empty glasses', always have an open door and an open bottle of something, who sport berets and can recite Donne off by heart come to be known as Legends.

'Scrubs' is a unifying force.

Queueing has become a social occasion.

Lift smells are a constant source of surprise, revulsion, and mystery and can change hourly.

There is absolutely nobody from Newcastle or beyond. The sole native of Newcastle I have encountered, and indeed the only one residing in the whole of London, lives in different Halls. And he went to RGS so barely counts.

People become nocturnal beings. Body clocks change on entering the accommodation, and it is doubtful they will ever return to normal.


Mike said...

First, I'm first.

What do you say when someone is actually from Essex? Is there some euphemism or circumlocution, or does one keep silent, like the elephant in the living room?

Chris said...

I hope this family isn't becoming Essexist......I think if you meet someone from Essex you just mention white stilettos, that should do it. Obv not to me of course because I would get v cross and become very Essex to you.

nicky said...

tres good post. the only thing i have to comment on is why dad was up at 7:57 am to post a comment.

Mike said...

I was at work, obv. Why was Nicky making a post at 10:40 at night, when all good philosphers are tucked up in bed?
Essex people are just getting ready to go clubbing at that time, of course. There is little danger that Essex people will read a blog.

What is the difference between a supermarket trolley and an Essex girl?
- A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

anna said...

Ooh, the cheek that goes on in this comment page. Shocking. I am half Essex girl I'll have you know (that is if mother is being true to her roots) and I've realised that a large proportion of my friends all seem to come from there - my origins are obviously calling to me.
Don't worry Dad though, I still say grass and bath in the PROPER way. As opposed to some people.

Chris said...

Ahem - I'm an Essex person who reads blogs.........