17 September 2006

A sore subject

Stage one of my initiation into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is under way. Having long harboured a passion to join the pizza eating, sewer dwelling, weapon wielding foursome, I am finally beginning my transformation. In that my skin is turning reptilian.

Okay, so I am trying to glamourise my rash. Rashes are not glamourous. And I don't get them. At least not until now. It is slowly but surely taking over my whole body so will soon resemble a strawberry with legs. Also becoming fidgety, scratching all the time in that distracted, irritating way that always leads folks to be suspicious of one's sanity and hygiene. Like old cat ladies. Which is what I will end up no doubt.

Anyway, I have narrowed it down to the following things to which I could be allergic...

Buses: a lot of time spent on public transport recently. Carpet seats a hazard, not to mention the pungent air freshener.

Work: am back at school and therefore doing far too much with those little grey cells.

Having fun: arguably too much of that this week what with various celebrations. My bodies reaction to a little normal life.

Bad telly: by which I mean mindless, yet brilliant, tosh. Usually straight after the aforementioned 'work' of school.

Lack of Friends: hence the bad telly. Haven't watched an episode in days. Withdrawel symptoms.

Lack of friends: all buggering off to pastures new, leaving us poor souls to aimlessly drift amongst the deserted streets of Hexham.

Cleanliness: perhaps a delayed reaction to having a clean house now that it is Pammed weekly. Body not used to this. It needs dirt, dust and festering mould for the old immune system to function adequately.

Alternatively, it could be the hairband I was wearing the other day. Whatever the cause, the bizarre mottled markings are both fascinating and grotesque. I may volunteer myself for experimentation.

4 comments:

Chris said...

Or you could just make an appointment to see the GP.

Mike said...

Probably the buses.
Thinking doesn't give you a rash, whatever you may heard.
Neither does watching television, unless you do it wearing a headband.
Perhaps in all that partying, you ate something that disagreed with you?

anna said...

I refuse to enter into the rationality of that comment. It is obviously some foul force that is afoot.

Mike said...

"foul force that is afoot"?

Has the rash spread to your feet now?
Perhaps you are growing flippers, so that you can grasp the funny weapons that the turtles have to carry.

And you already have a headband! (You need to cut holes in it to see through, while you can still manage scissors.)